3 Subtle 'Tells' That You’re On The Wrong Path

Don’t miss them — recognise when your life needs a shift

Photo by The Cleveland Museum of Art on Unsplash

In a game of poker, your opponent has ‘tells’ that give you an idea of the hand they’ve got and what they’re thinking → when to go all in, and when you need to fold.

Life has tells too — signs that you’re on the wrong path and that something has to change. 

But most people can’t read them. 

If you can’t recognise the tells, you’ll end up off course — you’ll play when you should’ve folded. 

Don’t get played off the table like a fool — learn to read the tells and rig the game of life in your favour. 

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Tell #1 — you don’t like to talk about what you do

How do you feel when you’re asked about what you do? 

Do you feel proud, or ashamed? 

Feeling ashamed, or brushing over what you do, is a clear sign that you don’t like what you’re doing. 

I don’t mean surface-level pride. 

Saying you’re an engineer, a doctor or a lawyer might sound fancy, but if you don’t believe in your mission, you won’t be truly proud to say it. 

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Let’s say you’re a structural engineer who works on bridges and you have a strong passion for humanitarian solutions. 

In a situation where you’re asked what you do, let’s look at two alternate universe scenarios: 

a) You work on bridges that go over train tracks 

“I’m a structural engineer. Nothing special, I just work on bridges that go over railways so that cars don’t have to wait at the level crossings.” 

→ nothing about it specifically aligns with your values 
→ you’re not necessarily proud to explain it 
→ you’re on the wrong path.

b) You work on bridges that connect rural communities to schools 

“I’m a structural engineer. I work on bridges that help kids in rural places get access to schools. 

It’s such a rewarding job — my favourite part is getting the pictures that show the children on their way to school.” 

→ you use your skill for solutions that align with your values 
→ you’re proud to explain what you do 
→ you’re on the right path.

Both are structural engineering paths, but a different angle can make all the difference. 

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This applies to your general daily approach too. 

I remember when I used to sit and think about how I behaved at the end of the day — and I wasn’t proud. I felt like I’d been too loud, obnoxious and, at times, even rude. 

I was ashamed of my behaviour. 

So I decided to make a change.

• I held my tongue when I felt something stupid about to come out. 

• I made sure to think things over before I spoke. 

• I started to pay attention to those who hadn’t said much in the group and asked them questions. 

I iterated and iterated my behaviour until it was something that I was proud of. 

And this works for one simple reason: 

You admire people when they embody the values that you believe in. 

And so if you embody such values, you will admire yourself —that’s true self-respect. 

That’s why this tell works. That’s how you use your shame to tell you that you’re on the wrong path — because if you aren’t someone who you would admire, you’ll never be pleased with your path. 

Shame and pride are no more than a measure of how closely you’re behaving to your values. 

Tell #2 — It zaps you of energy 

We all have an in-built radar for when we’re on the right path:  

It’s called energy. 

• When you hang out with friends that are healthy for you — you feel energised. 
  But when you hang out with people who’re bad for your spirit — you’re zapped of your energy. 

• When you do meaningful work that you find interesting — you feel energised. 
  When you do something monotonous, or out of alignment with your values — you’re zapped of your energy. 

If you walk away from whatever it is you’re doing with more zest for life, more energy, and more ideas — you’re on the right path. 

Walk away with less — you’re on the wrong path. 

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Be careful with this sign though — sometimes it’s necessary to endure monotonous work to achieve desirable outcomes. But only if your plan includes, and accounts for it. 

If you want to start a yoga studio, you’re going to need to understand business and accounting. You can’t just love yoga and do that all day. 

But if your dream is to own a yoga practice, you shouldn’t be an accountant. 

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So treat your energy like a metal detector. If it’s buzzing off the charts, you’re onto something. Conversely, if it’s flat — you know what not to do. 

Tell #3 — you’re a fish out of water 

Feeling like you don’t belong is another sure sign your course may need correcting. 

I’ve had moments in my life when I’m in a group and I’ve noticed a few things: 

• whenever I bring up a topic that interests me, the group goes quiet 

• when I make jokes I find funny, they don’t land 

• I isolate myself 

These are all signs that you need to look for a shift. 

Those people aren’t necessarily bad — they’re just not your people. And it’s not necessarily a toxic environment — it’s just not the place for you. 

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This is another sign to be a little wary of though — because at times it can be advantageous to be the odd one out. 

You’ve got to use your discretion.

For example, if you’re a super social engineer in a room of shy people, you might have room to excel at client-facing roles. You can be really valuable in that environment. 

But if your values are completely out of alignment with everyone else — that’s a sign you’re in the wrong place. 

In summary 

Keep your eyes peeled for the three main signs you’re on the wrong path: 

1. You’re not proud of what you’re doing
   You don’t feel pride and joy when explaining what you do

2. What you’re doing zaps you of energy
   You leave the activity or interaction feeling deflated

3. You feel like a fish out of water
   You feel as though you don’t belong, and your morals and values aren’t aligned with the position you’re in

But it’s equally as important to pay attention to the signs that you’re on the right path: 

1. You’re proud of what you do 
   Do what brings you pride.

2. What you’re doing charges your battery 
   Do what makes you feel like you’ve just had a double espresso. 

3. You feel like you belong 
   Find places where you feel strong a sense of belonging. 

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Thank you for reading. 

I’m just sharing the lessons learned on my path to building my Mental Fortress - an impenetrable and stable mind.

If you found it helpful, that’s great. I figured, why not share it with the world as I crystallise my own ideas.

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Sincerely,

Eren