5 Steps to Become Unshakeable in the Face of Adversity
A weak mind will get carried through life like a feather in the wind — a strong mind decides its path
When you’re going through hard times and you’re being thrown around by life, it can be tough to stay calm and logical.
When I’m stressed, I always come back to this quote that I love:
“To be like the rock that the waves keep crashing over. It stands unmoved and the raging of the sea falls still around it.”
― Marcus Aurelius
The ups and downs of life are inevitable. There will be good times, bad times and nothingness times.
The waves are unpredictable — stochastic.
If you don’t have control over your mind and emotions, you’re sort of like a floating paddleboard. When the waves are calm, you’re calm. When the waves are rough and raging, you’ll get thrown around at the sea’s command.
But if you fortify a strong mind — a Mental Fortress — you’ll be like the rock.
The waves, no matter how rough, won’t move you. You won’t get too high, nor too low. You’ll be you, consistently.
And if you can be you, and make good, solid choices no matter what life throws at you, you’ll become unstoppable.
But how do you be like the rock?
1. Breathe
Jeziel from last week’s story will look at me when I was frustrated in a game and say:
“Just breathe, bro.”
Whenever you’re in a pressure situation, or you feel confused and tense, take notice of your breath and your shoulders.
You’ll notice your breathing is shallow and your shoulders are tight.
Your mind and body are one. If your mind is tense, your body is tense. Your thoughts become shallow and your ability to act is constricted.
The solution is to relax your body.
Since the mind and body are connected, you can leverage that to calm your mind.
Breathe in through your nose deeply, and out through your mouth.
Don’t listen to the gurus and “experts” — there’s no right or wrong way. Just as long as it’s slow and deep, the details don’t matter too much.
I personally suggest breathing out for longer than you breath in — works for me.
2. Take a timeout
Breathing helps with this.
When you’re navigating a difficult situation, you need to slow down. That’s why timeouts exists in sport. To stop the snowball from gaining anymore momentum. You need time and space to reflect and think.
Some questions to ask yourself in a ‘timeout’:
What is the problem?
How do I feel about it?
What can I do to help it?
It’s ok to say: “I need a second to think”, and reflect on those questions.
So many problems can be avoided by stopping and thinking. We usually do things to avoid the problem — and sometimes they can be sneakily bad for us. Going on our phones, going out with friends — even exercise.
But sometimes you need to stop and observe your thoughts — actually think about the problem.
Sometimes the best action is inaction.
3. Trust yourself to get through it
One of the most impactful changes I made in my life was learning how to trust myself to get through any situation — to step up.
Nobody can dodge every hit, but the ones with the iron jaw will never get knocked out.
In a dire situation, my girlfriend, mother, father, sisters, friends are going to need someone to rely on. I tell myself:
I can wear the hit.
No matter how tough life gets, you’ve gotten through bad times before, and I’m certain you can get through bad times to come. That’s not to say you should go through it alone, but trusting that you can get through this situation — just as you’ve gotten through the other situation — will keep you standing tall in tough moments.
4. Be your own friend
A breakthrough I had recently was treating myself as if I were my friend, not myself.
If my friend was going through a tough time, I wouldn’t be erratic, skittish and negative to them. I wouldn’t say “You’re confused and you don’t know what to do. You’re not capable of getting through this.”
I’d literally do the opposite.
I’d be a positive source of hope for them. I’d tell them it’s going to be ok, that they’ll be fine and that they just need to keep going.
There’s one person who you’re going to spend the most time with — and that’s your internal voice. Why not just cultivate one that’s positive?
Just like the gym, repititions will train this ‘muscle’.
“I’ve got this” — cultivates a positive mind.
“I’m so confused” — creates a negative one.
In tough times, treat yourself like you’d treat a friend.
We’re all guilty of being a little mean to ourselves at times. But stressful moments is when you need a friend the most.
Work with your internal monologue, not against it.
5. Don’t look for a map — create the map
Not only do you need to be your own friend, you need to be your own guide.
I usually go to my Dad when I need advice — but who will I turn to when my Dad eventually passes away?
My friend George told me he was lost when his Dad passed away. He’d usually go to his Dad in these moments. His advice to me:
You need to start learning to support yourself through difficult times.
A key strategy to guiding yourself is to write the problem down and analyse it from a third-person perspective. Remove yourself emotionally from the situation — look at it from a bird’s eye view — and then give advice like it were someone else’s problem.
Next time during the period of crisis, instead of viewing the crisis as your problem, try to imagine your life is someone else’s. By doing so you will facilitate the solution and find tremendous freedom and relief.
You will fear no criticism and agonise over no defeat. You will take the chances you normally would not.
— Chin Ning Chu
Every problem feels impossible to navigate. It always feels like you never know what to do.
But then you figure it out.
The more confidence you have in your ability to navigate tough situations, the less they’ll affect you.
6. Smile
Nothing says immovable object — nothing says Mental Fortress — like someone with a smile on their face.
If you can drop and smash a glass, get splashed by a car driving through a puddle and lose half your net worth, all with a smile on your face — you’re unbreakable.
Don’t let negativity consume you. Stay positive. Keep that childlike smile with you at all times. Just like the breathing, it’s hacking your brain to think more positively too.
The mind-body connection is a two way street. They’re intertwined. You can force your mind into a more positive mood by making physical changes.
Sometimes in a dark and depressing room, all you need is one person with a smile to brighten the mood.
The smile can be super-human. When everyone is tense, shaken and fearful — the one with the smile that makes a joke can change the mood in the blink of an eye.
Become immovable through difficult situations in life
Your thought factory goes crazy in tough times. It floods your mind with negativity, sadness and bad ideas. But in tough times, you need to be more selective with your thoughts than ever.
Acknowledge that life has fucked you over, and think about what the optimal next steps are.
Usually, the thing that’s most difficult is what you need in that moment.
When life is shaking you around, and it’s hard to be calm and logical — that’s the sign that you should brush your feelings aside — and at try to remain calm and thoughtful as possible.
Rely on your stern, logical compass in these moments. There’s time to be emotional later.
Speak to yourself — repeat the previous steps.
1. Breathe and relax — deep breaths and relax your shoulders
2. Take a timeout — slow down, sometimes all you need is space to think
3. Trust yourself to get through it — “I can take it. I can wear the hit”
4. Be your own friend — In tough times, treat yourself like you’d treat a friend.
5. Don’t look for a map — create the map — look at the problem from a 3rd person perspective, and then give advice like it were someone else’s problem.
6. Smile — If you can go through life’s challenges with a smile on your face and a laugh — you’re unbreakable.
Thank you for reading.
I’m just sharing my lessons learned while building my Mental Fortress. My impenetrable and stable mind.
If you found it helpful, that’s great. I figured, why not share it with the world as I crystallise it.
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