Sleepwalking into a life you didn’t want

You won’t love your life by accident

I used to think the worst-case-scenario was failure. But I’ve realised the worst thing is succeeding at something I don’t want.

In school, I did the subjects I was told to do and did well in them. Then I became an engineer like my parents and peers wanted, and I’m ok at it. But sometimes I stop and ask myself:

Did Eren actually want any of this?

I’m grateful for everything I have, and wouldn’t change a thing, but I can’t help but feel like I’ve been placed on a train, and it’s going somewhere I don’t even want to go.

And something has started to dawn on me.

I think that many people end up in a mediocre life that they don’t like — not because they chose it, but because they didn’t choose at all.

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The Unseen Forces Pushing You Toward a Life You Hate

Photo by Anna Hunko on Unsplash

Cam is a friend of mine from high school. I met him playing tennis.

He was the best player at school, and I had just picked up a racket.

I know he has a good heart because he was always nice to me and gave me time and advice, even though he was a few years older than me and not in the same stratosphere of tennis skill.

He ended up getting a scholarship to go play for a college in America, and I didn’t think I’d ever see him again.

10 years later

One night, I’d gotten an invitation to a party of people I didn’t know through a friend of mine. And as I’m hanging out, I see Cam sitting at a table.

We reconnected briefly and ended up going to hang out a few months later. We’d both gotten into basketball, so we went to a local hoop.

Cam was now running a music venue in our hometown.

What about the tennis?

I asked.

I gave it up.

He was at his peak. He was playing college tennis, and he decided that even though he was good at it, and that his parents and coaches wanted him to play, he didn’t.

He didn’t want to be a famous tennis player because he didn’t like it that much.

He loved music. He wanted to make music and run a music venue.

He was crazy to stop playing.

But he would’ve been crazier to keep doing something he didn’t want.

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Cam’s story always reminds me of the pressures keep us at bay:

• Societal
  It’s hard to give up the “safe” job, or the “right” path. Money, or talent, can trick us into pursuing something we never really wanted.

• Fear of Disappointing Others
  Maybe the hardest one. The good intentions from our parents, friends and colleagues can make us feel trapped. We naturally want to make everyone happy — but ultimately won’t be happy until it comes from inside.

• Lifestyle Creep
  Slowly increasing your spending as your nice job’s salary increases until you’re locked in.

• The Illusion of ‘Later’
  Thinking you’ll pursue what you love one day. Pushing out your passions until retirement. Only to realise you should’ve pursued them from the beginning.

These forces are powerful. It’s hard to work against them. But if you don’t want to end up at the destination that the train takes you in — you need to get off.

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4 Signs You’re Drifting Into the Wrong Life

“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.” 

— Lao Tzu

1. You feel a low-level resentment about your daily routine

Life feels…ok. You don’t mind it. Your colleagues are nice enough, you get payed good money. You’re not depressed but you’re certainly not energetic. You’re itching for something else.

This is a big sign that something needs to change.

Life should involve some level of buckling down to work. I’m not suggesting an infinite relaxing holiday. But there is a middle ground for you. The crossover on the Venn diagram between something you enjoy, and something that contributes to society.

Your number one priority needs to be figuring out how to fill in this Venn diagram.

2. You fantasise about escaping instead of building

You’re constantly thinking about quitting and living on a beach like a Gypsie.

This is a sign you’re approaching a boiling point.

Don’t panic and explode. You need to focus on creating something.

Writing this newsletter (and slowly trying to build something bigger behind the scenes) has helped me with a bit of purpose and direction.

I love personal growth, self-improvement and giving advice — so I’ve built a channel to help others get through the same problems I go through.

I recommend you start looking to build something — anything.

3. You tell yourself “This is just how life is” to justify your discomfort

When you talk to people about your dreams, they often shut them down, saying they’re not realistic.

Don’t believe them.

Don’t get to a point where you’re so jaded that you think life is being on a path you don’t want. No. There is suffering and work in life — that is true —  but why not work and suffer on a path of your choosing?

Don’t ever give up that lust for joy. That is worth chasing.

4. You don’t recognise the person you’re becoming

This is scary.

Think of yourself as a child. Think of the pure energy you had because of all that potential. So many possibilities. Endless opportunity. You could’ve become anything. And that was exciting.

Now, what are you? Are you losing that energy? Are you losing that ambition? For what? A pay check? Because someone told you it’s a good idea?

You need to seriously evaluate who you’re becoming on this path — where this train is headed — and really, deeply think about if the destination is the one you want.

Don’t accidentally become someone who hates their life.

Steer toward a life you actually want

A few questions to get you back on course:

1. Life audit
   Are you doing things out of obligation or desire? What are you doing in life that actually contributes to what you want? Or are you just blindly going through the motions?

2. Time and energy
   What’s consuming you that shouldn’t be? Are you spending time with folk who zap your energy? Are you doing things that bring you energy? Are you wasting your time distracting yourself from life?

3. Purpose
   What’s the thing that gives you meaning but also contributes to the world? (My free questionnaire to find yours). It’s ok to have a job not related to your passions, but finding your passion should be an ever-present goal.

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It’s ok to fall on your face, as long as you’re headed somewhere you want to go. Ending up at a destination you didn’t want after your only life is not ideal man. Be true to yourself. Take risks. Enjoy yourself. Do good for the world in ways that align with your natural self.

Sincerely,

eren

My free questionnaire to find your Unfair Advantage in life — your natural character.

Follow me on Substack and LinkedIn for short bursts of motivation and peace, and to follow along on my journey of creating the world’s best in-person mindset workshop.

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