The Clearest Way To Find An Authentic Life That You’ll Enjoy
Stop chasing your ideal self, start identifying your anti-self
Have you ever looked at someone’s life and thought, “I never want to end up like that”?
It could be a crackhead on the street, the asshole boss you had, or even your parents after they’ve done something you disagreed with.
That thought—not wanting to become something—is an extremely powerful one to note.
Trying to figure out what you want from life is like staring at a blank white page and trying to write a best-selling book.
Avoiding the negative is clearer and more powerful than the pursuit of the positive.
When you identify the wrong way, you can reverse-engineer the right way.
Focusing on what NOT to do, rather than what to do is how we learn most efficiently. That’s why it’s so effective to learn by doing and making mistakes.
That didn’t work, I won’t do that again.
It’s not feasible to expect to do things right from the get-go, or to find the perfect career for you on the first try.
My first boss, Tom, told me, “It’s just as important to figure out what you don’t like.”
What you don’t like becomes a map to what you like, because you use the process of elimination to create a desirable future.
The Samurai’s Training
An original story by Eren Candansayar
Amongst the cherry blossom trees, a young Samurai dreamed of becoming a great warrior to protect his people.
The townfolk would ask him, “Lord, what kind of Samurai will you become? What kind of demeanour will you create for yourself?”
The young Samurai, overwhelmed with questions and pressure, became confused. He didn’t know what he wanted to become.
He knew he wanted to be a great warrior, but the specifics were murky.
He paid a visit to the village Monk and asked, “How can I know what I wish to become?”
The Monk smiled at the young Samurai, “Do not obsess over what you wish to become. Focus more on what you wish to avoid. Only then will your path reveal itself.”
So the young Samurai kneeled at the quietest shrine in the region and began to reflect.
He remembered those who betrayed his clan in the most vulnerable times
He remembered the warriors who forgot about protecting their people in pursuit of their greatness
He remembered how his uncle became enraged, lost his composure and gave the enemy a window to defeat him
And in his meditation, the young Samurai began to see exactly the warrior he would become:
Loyal to his people, no matter the cost
Calm and calculated in even the most pressure situations
A leader who sacrifices his ambitions to uplift his people and achieve collective success
The young Samurai’s training from then on was clear. He could create specific plans to avoid exactly what he did not want to become. He was able to constantly add to his repertoire by scanning his environment for things to avoid.
And the young Samurai grew into the greatest leader and protector the region had ever known.
3 Steps to Build Your Ideal Life From Scratch
“You will have to create the path by walking yourself; the path is not ready-made, lying there and waiting for you.”
— Osho
When you’re trying to figure out what you want next in life, figure out what you DO NOT want.
Dig down and understand your anti-self:
1 — Identify Negative Role Models and Situations
Firstly, dig deep into the anti-vision:
Who are the people you certainly don’t want to be like?
What is a lifestyle you could have that makes you feel sick to the stomach?
What are the regrets you might have when it’s all said and done?
2 — Recognise Warning Signs
Now, honestly reflect on where you’re veering toward your anti-self.
Do you have any habits or behaviours that are leading you to that anti-vision?
Smoking when you don’t want lung cancer
Eating junk food when you don’t want to end up unhealthy
Procrastinating when you don’t want to be an average worker
Step 3: Do the Opposite
Now that you’ve created the anti-vision, and identified any ways you may be heading down that path, you need to act accordingly.
Quit smoking
Create a healthy eating habit
Replace procrastination with small daily actions.
Start Now
Create an anti-vision now, an anti-self.
Someone you do not want to become.
Take 5 minutes today to reflect on what we talked about. Write it down. Pin it to your wall.
Keep it front of mind in everything you do.
Your future self will thank you when one day it reflects and realises that your actions of the past helped to avoid that anti-vision you almost had.
Sincerely,
eren
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