The Counterintuitive Paradox That Explains Why You Feel a Little Empty
You're one minor adjustment from a life of joy and success.
Hello everyone.
Today I’m writing from Pula, Croatia - a small town in the north of the country. It’s stunning and actually has the most in-tact colosseum in the world. Interestingly, the Croatian people are by far the nicest I’ve come across - it’s reignited my connection with the human mind.
Here in this laidback town, I’ve had some time to think. And this week’s article has been on my mind for some time. It was difficult to put into words, but I finally used the chance to sit and research the topic, and find a way to condense it into an easily digestible piece - at least I hope it’s easily digestible.
If you’re like me, you struggle with finding a sense of fulfilment in life. Everything seems to be so great, I’ve got all the necessities a human could need - but still, something lacking.
If you can relate to that, I think you will find this perplexing concept very interesting and applicable to your life.
The Counterintuitive Paradox That Explains Why You Feel a Little Empty
You’re one minor adjustment from a life of joy and success.
Is everything in your life “good”, but you still feel a little empty?
Your life’s easier and more comfortable than any generation before you — yet there’s something missing and you don’t know what it is.
The answer might not be what you expect — a simple, but counterintuitive concept is preventing you from living a happy life and you need to do something about it.
Learn how to use this paradox to your advantage so you can skyrocket your happiness.
The easy option
At every decision in life, you’re faced with two options:
The easy one
The hard one.
Whether or not to work out, whether to read a book or scroll on your phone, whether to do the hard work or take the easy road.
When given a choice, most people (and human-like animals) will choose the easier option — we avoid effort.
Grocery stores vs markets, Netflix vs a cinema, ordering food to the door vs cooking, or skinny tea vs a healthy diety. There are many modern-day forks in the road where the easier options are the widely accepted ones.
But, I challenge you to think back and tell me a time when you regretted doing the hard option.
Heads up: You might be thinking for a while.
The easy option is tempting and requires less effort — yes. Theoretically, we should conserve energy and take the easier road. But why do we always regret when we’ve succumbed to the temptation of the easy road, and never when we’ve pushed through the challenge?
The Effort Paradox
Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment, full effort is full victory.
-Mahatma Gandhi
It’s easy to understand that better rewards take more work — that’s widely accepted. But what if there was more to it?
What if more effort was directly linked to more value?
This study gives a detailed analysis of the relationship between effort and value. It’s clear that we recognise things that take hard work to be of more value — directly proportional.
More effort = more value.
In Grade 8 woodwork class I built a pencil case made of wood. It had a blue and red acrylic lid. The pencil case had carefully made grooves for the lid to slide in and out of.
There’s a problem — there’s no lock on the case. If you tip it downward, the lid slides out and the contents spill everywhere.
Why am I talking about this non-functional pencil case?
Because I’ve owned many pencil cases in my life, many more functional ones — but none that I’ve loved as much, or felt as proud of.
I made that pencil case. I made errors, got frustrated, and banged my thumb with a hammer. But when I blew the sawdust off that baby, it came with a strong sense of satisfaction.
Like building the pencil case, a strong relationship is nothing without difficult conversations and tough times together. It might have a dodgy lid, and it might be imperfect — but you’ve been through tough times, and you’ve built the relationship.
This is exactly why there is an epidemic of people unsatisfied with their lives, despite the seemingly good scenario.
Because:
Laying on the couch and ordering food with an app is the easy option.
Getting a fold-up IKEA table is the easy option.
Working in a job you dislike just because it’s convenient, is the easy option.
But, what if easy was never the answer? What if conserving energy isn’t the goal?
What if the effort itself is the reward?
Why then, do we take the easy option?
We’re now having to cope with: How do I live in a world in which everything is provided? And if I consume too much of it — which my reflexes compel me to do — I’m going to be even more unhappy.
— Anna Lembke
The key to self-improvement is to understand that you do things for a reason. You act this way, not because you’re some stupid person who won’t go anywhere or achieve anything, but because of an evolutionary process.
It’s human nature (I’ve been going through a Michael Jackson phase).
Our brains want to take the easiest route possible to get the maximum return, making for efficient survival.
The problem is, this world has evolved into one of abundance quicker than we could evolve to keep up with it.
This is an urgent issue.
Your inability to see that you don’t have to consume as much as this world allows is preventing you from reaching your ceiling. It’s keeping you from achieving everything you know deep down that you’re capable of.
You need to wake up and understand that you have to go against your human nature and leverage this effort paradox to create a worthwhile life.
When you feel the urge to take the easy option, remember that it’s just your primal programming. You now know that it’s fool's gold to take the easy road — what you really want, deep down, is to overcome the challenge.
Do this to change your life
So, now you know why you’re feeling unsatisfied.
What are you going to do about it?
You can be sad that your life is headed in a mediocre direction caused by easy choices. Or, you can leverage this knowledge to cheat code your way to more rewarding choices.
You can use this principle to manufacture rewards — making things more difficult makes them more rewarding.
Whenever it’s time to choose between working out or staying home, now you know that working out will make you happier. Going for a tough hike and rewarding yourself with a movie will be far better for your mood than just staying in bed and watching the movies.
Remember — fool’s gold.
You have a new weapon in your arsenal, a new trick up your sleeve. Every time you’re faced with a crossroads, remember the effort paradox.
Maybe quitting the job that you hate is going to suck. The rent might be late a few times. You might even curly up in a ball because it’s so stressful having no money. But maybe all of that will be worth it when you see your self-belief pay off.
Waking up for the sunrise hike is going to be tough. Trudging through the mud while the moon is still on shift — not easy. But the view from the top will be so sweet.
Not because of what your eyes see, but because of the effort you exerted.
Final Thoughts
You now have the answers — it’s time to put them into action.
You’ll never regret doing it the hard way — I promise you that.
Nobody wants to look back at their life and say they took the easy way at every possible chance.
Difficulty is proportionate to value and reward. Remember that.
The view is nothing without the climb.
Thank you for reading.
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Without you reading, the message I’m passionate about flows into the ether. I just want to share what I learned with more people.
I wish I could’ve given past me these kinds of mindset shifts, so I’m trying to reach as far and wide as I possibly can. Please share this post with someone who you think might enjoy it too.
Until next week,
Eren
