The Gift of Seeing Someone Ahead
what if jealousy is motivation in disguise?
“Envy, like flame, blackens that which is above it, and which it cannot reach.”
— Jean Antoine Petit-Senn
People will root for the underdog, but tear them down once they become a perennial champion.
It seems human nature commands us to help and support those behind us, but to hold back and criticise the ones in front.
Why does one find it equally difficult to watch someone struggle as they do to watch them shine?
If another person is good, then in comparison we become bad?
Maintaining that status feels important in theory, but the deeper we think, the more it feels like tearing others down is only tearing ourselves down.
Just like we cannot breathe in and out at the same time, we cannot be simultaneously happy and jealous.
The sinister and useless thoughts that arise with jealousy
Watching the NBA for 15 years I've seen so many great players rise through the ranks on the back of hard work and support from the fans. But as soon as they reach stardom, they're torn down.
I am personally guilty of tearing people down as well — attributing their success to luck and genetics instead of admitting that they've worked harder. I'm doing anything I possibly can to make sure I don't feel inadequate. Anything to admit that nothing separates us other than work.
And what does it feel like to you to see someone better than, or ahead of, you? Isolating? Depressing? Hopeless? Do you feel as though you'll never get there?
Whatever that feeling is, our ego is doing everything it can to defend us from feeling it, and it seems important to be conscious of this.
In the Philippines, they call this the "Crab Mentality".
When one crab tries to escape the bucket, the others pull it back down, ensuring none escape.
But it's clear that one crab escaping is better for the crabs than none escaping.
We should not be pulling the bucket down.
We should all be working together to lift it up.
Someone better than you is your friend, not your foe
“The success of others is not your failure. It’s a preview of what’s possible.”
— Robin Sharma
If someone is better than you in a specific domain, or has achieved higher levels of success, they are not blocking you from achieving the same, they are the path to it! How ironic.
They have shown you that it is possible to attain it.
Take the scenario where you are living in a poor community and one person 'makes it out of the hood' through hard work and perseverance. There are two options for you:
Tear them down, wish negative things upon them, make excuses as to why they were able to make it
See them as inspiration — they have shown you it's possible to make it out too
A fascinating next layer to this is that those who are more advanced than you (in whatever domain it is you're measuring within) are the most willing to help.
It's obvious to these people that there is not a finite level of skill or knowledge to go around — we can all make each other greater.
In fact, many of the greats in any sport, academic facet or business will tell you that their competition was the only reason they kept rising and growing.
The gift
The artists, thinkers and athletes who are miles ahead are just reflections of what's possible if we let go of jealousy.
If someone is better than you, and has achieved higher levels of success, what if they are showing you that it is possible to attain it?
There is no scarcity in skill or creation. It is not a zero-sum-game. It's infinite.
Change your perception of those more advanced — they probably wish the best for you.
And I encourage you to ask them for guidance — you will be surprised at how willingly they will share their tips and secrets with you.
Shift the negative energy of jealousy into the positive energy of admiration and inspiration.
Sincerely,
eren
What I’m listening to
When I first started this letter, I was sharing my passion for music below the words.
I thought I should get rid of them as it wasn't relevant. But looking back at my old posts, I think it's part of who I am and I'm going to bring it back!
Recently, I've been listening to a lot of music that I think would go nicely with scenes for videos I've been making.
Peaceful, spacey, renaissance.
I'm a Filipino living in the Philippines, and I'm proud of our hospitality, resilience, and politeness, among other good values. Sadly, the "crab mentality" is also part of our culture.
Very true. Thanks for sharing. 👍