Zooming Out: How to See the Bigger Picture and Move Beyond Self-Interest
3 simple steps to escape life's illusion and relieve yourself of unnecessary stress
I wrapped up my last day at work yesterday. I’ll be focusing on writing and getting ready to head off to Europe until September.
During this time, I’ve been thinking about how life’s monotony masks what’s really going on.
My friend George sent me a famous speech called ‘This is Water’ by David Foster Wallace, which ties nicely into this idea of life’s illusions.
Zooming Out: How to See the Bigger Picture and Move Beyond Self-Interest
I used to think that calm and collected folk were built like that — something that skittish and impulsive me, could never be.
I’d react impulsively, let small things get to me and even began to notice my jaw was clenched at the baseline stresses of life.
If you’re like me and believe you can’t beat these so-called uncontrollable emotions, I’m here to tell you that we were both wrong.
Your mind, like clay, can be moulded into the mind you desire. In a matter of months, you can be unrecognisable to yourself — a totally new person.
Let’s learn how to sculpt.
The cure for stress, anger, anxiety and all other mystical emotions that stem from mundane life, comes in a simple concept that I’ve split into 3 easy to follow parts.
Part 1 — Recognising the default state
The default state is self-centred. We’re born self-centred and we die self-centred.
You think things happen to you, but as long as you believe things happen to you, you’ll be bothered by everything.
You’re cut off by another driver — they’ve disrespected you
It rains when you’re supposed to be going to the beach — the world is against you
You get a red-light and you whinge and whine to the universe, trying to understand why this is happening to you
Life is not a series of unfortunate events that are happening to you. You’re one person floating through life experiencing the things that are going on. There’s no script that is written for us, it’s just a mass unfolding of events that you happen to be plonked in the middle of.
Our default mode is to be phased by everything — it’s natural. But just because you start there, doesn’t mean you have to end there.
A Zen monk started as an easily bothered average civilian, like us — but on a mission for more.
Part 2 — Awareness: Realising that there’s more
There are these two young fish swimming along, and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says:
‘Morning, boys, how’s the water?’.
The two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes,
‘What the hell is water?’
— David Foster Wallace in ‘This is Water.’
Like the fish, we forget the essence of life. We forget that we aren’t the centre of the universe — the default state.
I like to think of life’s events like language. If you don’t speak the language, words are random noises. The same noises, to someone who does speak the language, could be the most beautifully poetic words ever spoken.
The words haven’t changed, but the interpretation of them has. It’s not the thing itself that causes the reaction, it’s the way you interpret it — the way your mind processes it is what results in satisfaction, or dissatisfaction.
The mark of the most intelligent people is being completely present and aware in every situation you find yourself in — the fish that realises it’s in water.
Every minute, every hour, every day, you’ll find yourself drifting back into your default state. Have the awareness to pull yourself out and remember what’s going on.
If Michael Jordan is in the moment, acting and reacting to the defence, he can make plays and analyse mistakes — solving problems on the court like a machine. When he misses a shot, he can decide what he needs to adjust in order to make the next one.
If Michael Jordan missed a shot, put on a whiny face and asked the universe:
Why me? Why now? I really needed that shot to go in. Life is just so difficult. Why couldn’t you have just let that one go in?! This game is so hard.
He probably wouldn’t be Michael Jordan. He might’ve been Michael from accounting, the really tall and whiny dude.
Part 3 — Making the Change
Now that you know about the default state, and you have the awareness to pull yourself out of it, you’re a blacksmith. A blacksmith who can take any piece of waste metal and turn it into a work of art by manipulating it with your mind.
When you’re stuck in traffic, it’s not an unfortunate situation that poor little you has to endure — there’s a whole fleet of cars stuck in traffic with you.
Reframe the idea and become aware that you’re part of a sea of people, just like you, who are in this traffic jam. A traffic jam caused by the same sea of people all heading home from their jobs, probably ready to go home to their pets and families who they love so much.
You can use the time in traffic to listen to an interesting podcast/audiobook and learn something. It could be time that you reflect on your life, or even plan the rest of your day out.
Maybe the traffic jam becomes luck — you’re so lucky to be with all these other fellow humans, and you all get to stick on a podcast and learn something you’re interested in, hear fascinating stories about the history of humanity. Whatever you’d like this time to be, it is now so.
You just need to be your own Personal Trainer who smacks your mind back into order whenever it starts to think negatively, or victimise itself.
Whenever you feel your mind drifting back into the default state, have the awareness to pull yourself out — guide yourself back into the blissful state of compassion and understanding.
Reframe every obstacle into an opportunity, and your life will start to brighten up — fast.
This is a lifelong journey
Don’t get it twisted, this isn’t a ‘get-rich-quick’ type of deal. It’s a long, tedious and constant battle with that default state of self-centeredness.
Even the most enlightened people will feel sorry for themselves and frustrated with life — but they’ll get better at catching themselves.
Each time to catch yourself and reframe your mind, you’re brain is curling that dumbbell over and over — getting closer and closer to creating the rock-solid, impenetrable mind fortress.
Using these 3 steps, you can go from skittish to Zen — it’s really this simple. All it takes is a conscious effort to implement the mindset you want to have.
I’ll leave you with another quote from David Foster Wallace’s speech:
This is not a matter of virtue. It’s a matter of my choosing to do the work of somehow altering or getting free of my natural hard-wired default setting which is to be deeply and literally self-centred, and to see and interpret everything through this lens of self.
—David Foster Wallace
Thank you all for reading, and a special thanks to George for sharing this mind-bending speech with me. That’s what this newsletter is about, a new idea that can shift the way we interpret life.
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I wish I could’ve given past me these kinds of mindset shifts, so I’m trying to reach as far and wide as I possibly can. Please share this post with someone who you think might enjoy it too.
Until next week,
Eren
