5 Turkish Proverbs From My Dad That’ll Change Your Outlook On Life
My dad shared this quick-hitting advice with me that made life so much easier
One good sentence can teach you more than a thousand-page book.
It can change your whole outlook on life and teach you a new way of thinking.
My dad, Celal Candansayar, is full of them — it’s the way his brain ticks.
I can only hope they will have as much impact on you as they did for me.
Why should you care about this guy’s advice?
He’s my dad, not yours — so I’ll give you some context.
He packed up his life in Türkiye at age 38 to move to Australia. Both he and mum worked their asses off in greasy food stores to provide for my sisters and me.
But this immigrant man working in a kebab shop was the most respected man in any room he was in. People would stop what they’re doing to listen to what he says. He got phone calls from people asking him what they should do.
There’s something different about him. He’s wise.
In Turkish, you would call someone “gereksiz” or “ukalâ” — insinuating that they’re unnecessary, or a bit of a wise guy that speaks empty words.
I’d describe my dad as the opposite of that.
I don’t know exactly why all this is true. I guess it’s just the aura that he exudes. My theory’s that he says very logical things in very few words — in a world where people are speaking a lot, but not saying much at all.
I’m grateful for these quick-hitting cheat codes — or secrets to life — that he’s given me over the years, but it’ll be meaningless if they die with our family name.
This is our version of a family recipe.
Here are the 5 most impactful one-liners my dad has schooled me with.
1. “Boş teneke çok ses çıkarır”
An empty tin makes a lot of noise
Take an empty tin and place a single coin in it. Shake it around and you’ll get a big jingle. Now fill that same tin with coins, shake it around, and you’ll get silence.
As a kid, I struggled with holding my tongue. I spoke a lot, but without having anything to say.
My dad was trying to tell me that someone with a lot of wisdom will never be the loudest in the room.
They don’t have insecurities that need masking.
They’re not worried that people will think they don’t know the answers.
They’re internally secure.
They assess the situation from afar and only speak when it’s absolutely necessary.
A wise person speaks dense words. They say a lot, with little.
2. “Iki kulağın var ama tek ağzın var”
You have two ears but only one mouth.
He uses this one a lot.
You should only speak at most half as much as you listen.
He says that you can’t learn anything new while you’re speaking.
You already know what you know, so you can’t gain anything from speaking. Unless someone asks — or what you say is valuable — jumping in and saying what you already know is nothing more than an ego-boosting exercise.
If you want to learn, be quiet and listen.
3. “Vidayı zorlama”
Don’t force the screw.
This is my favourite one.
I remember he used to speak this to me in a literary sense as a child. I’d be forcing a resisting screw with a screwdriver and it just wouldn’t go.
I’d start to get flustered and screw it even more — he stopped me.
He told me not to force anything. Don’t force a screw into a hole, and don’t force anything in life. If you have to force it, something’s wrong. Stop, evaluate and then continue.
This is the best advice I’ve ever gotten. If something’s showing resistance, it’s not meant to be.
If a friend group won’t accept you — don’t force it. Find people who want you there.
If your plan for the day has gone completely off track — don’t force it. Just go with the wind.
Resistance is always a clue.
Forcing the screw never ends well. Back out, evaluate the situation and try again.
4. Yemek istiyorsan, çiğnemen lazım
If you want to eat, you have to chew.
We all want immediate results with little effort — that’s efficiency.
The problem is, it’s not realistic.
One of the key laws of life is that to get anything that’s worthwhile, you’re going to have to put in the work. By definition, something that’s rewarding is hard to obtain.
See an old post for more on that:
Whenever I whinge about something being too hard, I remember that to get my food, I have to chew it.
5. Akrep akrepdir
A scorpion will be a scorpion.
This one comes up the most in my life. It’s the longest so I saved it for last.
It’s the story of a fisherman and a scorpion — but just trust me.
The scorpion needed to cross the river.
Luckily, there was a fisherman going back and forth delivering fish to the markets on the other side.
The scorpion went to the fisherman and asked “Can you take me across the river?”
The fisherman thought for a moment — “But how do I know you won’t sting me?”
“Why would I sting you? I need your help to cross.”
The fisherman obliged and the scorpion hopped aboard.
They crossed the river together, docked and put the plank out.
As the scorpion was getting off, it stung the fisherman and scurried away.
The fisherman watched as it left and began to prepare his fish to sell.
His sailor was shocked — “Aren’t you mad it stung you?!”
“A scorpion will be a scorpion.” — he replied — “If I’m surprised that it behaved in line with its nature, then I’m the idiot.”
My dad will say this line to me when someone’s talked behind my back, said something hurtful or has betrayed my trust.
It’s powerful when you switch your thinking from “How could they do this to me?” to “Of course they did this to me — what else would I expect?”.
Don’t be surprised when someone acts in line with their nature (or in a different way to yours). We’re all different, that’s who they are and you’re the one who doesn’t like it.
Be like the fisherman. Be unfazed by their behaviour, there’s nothing you can do about it. You can only control your own actions.
Life isn’t about trying to fix everyone, or reprimand people for misbehaving — it’s about taking care of yourself and your tribe.
Summary
Boş teneke çok ses çıkarır — An empty tin makes a lot of noise
Iki kulağın ve bir ağzın var — You have two ears, but only one mouth
Vidayı zorlama — Don’t force the screw
Yemek istiyorsan çiğnemen lazım— If you want to eat, you have to chew
Akrep akrepdir — A scorpion will be a scorpion
It was really enjoyable to reflect on all the conversations with my dad. I hope these impact you as much as they have for me.
Write back with your favourite, I’d love to hear :)
Use them wisely!
Thank you for reading.
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Until next week,
Eren