You Don’t Need Anyone Else’s Help

Solve any problem by learning to harness your inner Knowing

Photo by Mohamed Ahmed on Unsplash

I was handed a report to review. 

‘Protection Setting Report’. 

Protection Setting Report? What do I do with it? What’s it about? 

Only God knows. 

I’d encountered my first roadblock of the day. 

There was no way I could figure this out — this was outside of my wheelhouse. 

So I called God himself — the project manager, Paul. 

Hey Paul, who should review this document? — I asked. 

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The precise moment that question rolled off my tongue, the full solution —  broken down into steps like an IKEA manual — suddenly materialised in my brain. 

→ Open the comments panel 
→ Check who left the comments previously 
→ Get them to take a look at the new document

I politely waited for Paul to finish explaining the quite obvious solution to me since I’d burdened him with the question. 

But as I waited, I realised something: 

I’d approached a closed door and asked for a key without first checking if it was ever locked to begin with. 

Outsourcing problems because you don’t want to solve them yourself 

I unconsciously outsourced my problem-solving to others for years — I still catch myself doing it today:  

• I stop work when I encounter a puzzle I haven’t seen before, and 

• I call my Dad whenever my mind is in disarray — when I feel stressed or upset 

But what happens when my boss can’t get back to me? 

What happens when my Dad dies? 

Will everything grind to a halt? 

Will everything crumble? 

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When George’s Dad passed away, he told me he was thrust into the primary decision-maker position. 

He had to work out what to do with his father’s business, the house, and the family. 

But what’s interesting is that he wasn’t suddenly qualified to make these decisions — he was just forced to. 

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There are many problems you think you can’t solve since they’re outside the boundaries of your knowledge and experience. 

And maybe you’re right — maybe you don’t have the knowledge and experience to hit the nail on the head with 100% accuracy. 

But as you progress through your life and career, this is the cat that will slowly make its way out of the bag:

The high-level decision-makers are just making favourable bets. 

There’s no way to guarantee something will work. That’s something a lot of youth get wrong — I know I did. 

A good bet (an educated guess) = experience + intuition. 

That is to say: 

I’ve seen something similar, and this solution makes sense to me — it’s likely to work. 

3 ways to build the capability to solve problems on your own

Although experience and trusting your intuition are critical parts of decision-making, there are a few things that strong decision-makers do to help. 

Ever since learning about them, I’ve become far more decisive and independent — one of the biggest steps you can take in your life and career. 

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1. Become separate from the problem (ask yourself as if you were asking someone else) 

When you’re stuck, it’s likely you’re too close to the problem. 

You’re trying to figure out what colour to paint your house, but you’re inside and you don’t have a good perspective. You ask someone outside the house what they think, when you could’ve just walked outside and made a decision.

There’s a reason why you struggle to solve your own problems, but suddenly you’re the Oracle when someone else asks you for similar advice! 

You’ve got no skin in the game — the correct decision is obvious when there’s no emotion attached. 

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‘Thick Face, Black Heart’ written by Chin-Ning Chu is about Eastern Philosophy applied to business. 

(one of my favourite books I’ve ever read)

In it, she talks about detaching from problems: 

“Next time during the period of crisis, instead of viewing the crisis as your problem, try to imagine your life is someone else’s. By doing so you will facilitate the solution and find tremendous freedom and relief.

You will fear no criticism and agonise over no defeat. You will take the chances you normally would not.”

— Chin-Ning Chu

So next time you’re faced with a problem, ask yourself first. 

Bonus tip: Type out an email (or message) as if you’re asking someone else — hover over, but don’t hit, send. Read it and you’ll find that more often than not you can answer your own question.

2. Be comfortable taking risks (and getting burned) 

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” 

— Anaïs Nin

This is how you gain confidence and experience. 

Mum might’ve told you to wear sun protection, but you only truly learned the lesson once you got burned. 

You need to be ok with looking “silly” — this is the only path to being wise. 

3. Look inward for the answer 

“The answers are within you. You know more than you have heard, read, or been told. All you have to do is look, listen, and trust.” — Unknown

The funny thing about people asking for advice: 

They tell you they have no idea what to do, but then they tell you exactly what they think they should do. 

I tell them: 

You already know the answer to that. 

Stop and think about the problem — go over it in your head — but then trust your intuition to make a pretty good guess. 

Becoming a self-sufficient decision-maker 

You have the capacity to make decisions on your own — you need to! 

Stop relying on other people for answers — rely on yourself: 

• Your inner wisdom — your intuition or your “knowing” — has all the answers when you learn to harness it. 

• Don’t ignore the supremely intelligent “knowing” within you just because it’s easier to ask others — you just don’t have the confidence yet.

• The more problems you solve on your own (through taking risks, failing and experience), the more confidence you have in your intuition — or “knowing”.

And to summarise the three ways to become a self-sufficient decision-maker: 

1. Become separate from the problem — ask yourself as if you were asking someone else

2. Be comfortable taking risks — and getting it wrong 

3. Look inward for the answer — trust yourself 

Practice these over many years and you’ll get strong returns on your investment. 

As my friend Casey would say:

Sincerely in pursuit, 

eren

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If you’ve made it this far — thank you so much and I hope you found it valuable. 

Do you relate? How do you face decisions? Do you have trouble trusting yourself?